Confessions of a Chunky Chaser
Oh….my….god. Just slow down. Turn it a little this way. Yes. Just so I can see you from the side. I just…. want you so much. Don’t make me delete these pictures.
This is not how we think of ladylike talk. But you ladies (men?) who kinda know I’m referring to you …. we know we talk like this. We objectify. We use food related terms to indicate how much we’d like to eat the object of our desire.
Nowhere else do I know this to be true like the world of chunky diamond fetishists. Basically because most of my life is a tame PG-rated experience in pursuit of really hot jewelry. And I’ve collected a few chunkies for my most special jewelry commissions.
A chunky diamond is the layman collector’s term for a family of diamonds cut in the old world fashion. You may see these diamonds listed for sale with the terms “Antique Cut”, “Old Mine Cut” (aka Old Miner) “Old European Round”. The top of these diamonds are more Rubenesque, full fashioned even muffin-like. Anything but flat and economical. The facets throw of flashes from the side of the diamond as well as the top, giving the wearer the most opportunity to generate envy from a greater distance. The facets are larger, like panes or chunks of brilliance.
Here’s what I’m talking about.
In terms of “personality” of more modern diamond cuts to the Old World cuts, you can say it’s “Twinkly Glittery” vs. “va va VOOM” ! Pretty vs. “Have Mercy”, and yes, I’ll say it. “New Money vs. Established Money” (that in’t going away anytime soon).
You can’t pursue a Chunky in the same fashion that you would go after any other diamond. For starters, you must toss aside your pocket protector and your pre-conceived notions of “ideal cut”, Triple EX, etc. If you really want to have the best shot for a chunky babe, connoisseurs know that “Excellent, Good, and Fair” on a piece of paper can do very little to describe her. Many of the most stunning examples have adequate polish and symmetry, but not top marks. It is the power of the faceting makes you lose all care for what your friends have tried to tell you. In any case, once you fall under the spell of these diamonds you will only pity them. You can’t go back to that world. You’ve joined another.
If you break into the social network and hard drives of Chunky Fetishists, you will see pictures, sometimes amateurish shared among collectors and purveyors and often with descriptives like.
“Chunky Deliciousness”, “Fat Chunky Babies”, Super Chunky.
Code words, affectionate terms, insider language. All necessary to share the love because…. “It’s gauche to talk about money, dear”.